Ghost Rush

1.

I tried to find myself less lonely,

and to reckon with the world's swelling
wound and all that violence

we slept and the dog slept

between our bent legs,

like a sword

I always go back to the place
where I first knew
and first lost
my faith

I always go back to the place

where my self can be erased

just to rejoin the chorus
of the ghosts

2.

and cold water, warm water,
mine shaft, looking glass

oil of citronella, bug bite
on the thigh

I thought I wanted:

always do that,

I know my mind so little

I forget the uselessness
of trying to try

Don't give up on me as human or symbol. Try to forgive me as animal, please

I thrash in the water like a drowning spider, I float and stare at the sky

like a body, I yield, retract, concave, sigh

3.

The part of me that wishes most to disappear
only wishes to go somewhere I can be seen
by trees

solitude, I say to you,
oh grapple,

grapple with that.

Eat the grapes from the raw green vine,

eat the blackberries that aren't yet ready,
rain falls on the sweetpeas,
I know I'm very greedy,
I know that love awaits me
from behind