(it's a pseudohaiku)

if there's one thing i miss

it's my beloved carnelian

my hand your pocket soon gone

and always gone

the song that plays is history of lovers. i'm bringing it all back home. because i see myself turning slowly to sugar. i see myself turning to water, i see myself turning to vinegar, kept overlong in the cellar

is this decomposition? is it age? am i old or am i young, i think i'm old, i think i'm very very old and tired as that tree over there

bent by the wind. relentlessly driven to shake loose the leaves

i cannot stop myself from contemplating greater things. i don't always like where it all takes me. contemplating a lie. something has taken my past from me

made it seem

like a decimated thing

full of cage and sadly void of free

i'm bringing it all back home. i'm finding the blue car crashed against the pine tree, down the red cliff

across from the old mine

by the look of it

took the turn far too fast

well i've got this new stone and i wear it round my neck on a string. it is a citrine and it lends some strength to me. i have some of my own already but it never hurts to double up on those sorts of things. when you live in berkeley its easy to see the big beauty. if your feet are cold you can warm them up on the street. when it rains it sounds like peace.

things are different but mostly they're the same. i've been spending most of my time with marvin gaye. the band and crosby stills and nash. they seem to know everything that i could think to ask and its all things i've known all along. i am realizing now that its easier than it seems. you just treat yourself with some sensitivity. instead of hating yourself for not being everything or for being things that you cant help but be. i'm finding myself to be much smarter than initially suspected

that's for sure

today is october first and october first is the first day of the year

this year

i have learned a lot of very interesting things today.

it's all going well. i know who i am. even though i wish i didn't have to give a damn

i'm the girl in the pink kimono

and i always will be. it's what i think of me and what i know myself to be

and i wouldn't have it any other way. i haven't been looking very well these days

but i'm green as leaves

soon it'll all be cleared away and i'll be able to see me again

i'm a bit behind but i've got potential