Friday, December 30, 2011

I put this moment


i put this moment


i put this moment 


i put this moment

over here! 

over here!

Friday, December 23, 2011

fever playlist

here's something brian said today that i decided to remember:

"put yr undies in the laundry, go commando to lunch, eat yr sad away."

here are three songs to listen to when you have a high fever:
"watching you without me"
"hello earth"
and "the morning fog"
all off of the hounds of love by kate bush. guaranteed to make you feel lots of very strange things.

i wonder if i could

i wonder if i could remember the thoughts i've thought today
as i drove up san pablo with my wavering brain and fever queries

i told myself many things, like:

you do, you do assume,
you do assume to know things
about the people that you love,
you sweep them from the dusty ground
and appraise the grime


you do, you do always get what you want,
and in fact you always have,
generally at unexpected times and never
just the way you want it,
yet you get it, this is a strange

i also thought:

maybe the fever is not a fever, and just
dissociation in my head
maybe i am not sick
(it is hard to tell between the daily klonopin
and pyridium what is really going on)
maybe i just have a back ache from the way
that i'm sitting--
maybe the infection's not reaching my kidneys,
maybe i can make it to monday, call dr levinsky,
cant afford the e.r. again

maybe i'll fall asleep in L's arms watching Dr. Zhivago
maybe he'll turn to me with the sweetness that he keeps in reserve
maybe we will listen to our album and i won't need to cry
maybe we'll just laugh a little and touch foreheads
and go to sleep tonight

maybe i'll fall asleep alone tonight-- maybe sometime soon,
maybe i'll wake up and feel rested, maybe light
maybe i'll fall asleep alone tonight

maybe i'm falling asleep right now

baby, i've been dreaming--

i've been dreaming for a week 

i dream when your body is pressed behind mine
i dream when i have my bed to myself
i dream in your bed with the cat at our feet
i dream of you

i wonder when i'll start dreaming of my future

my future

the girl's going places

he says

pressing his thumbs into the knots in my shoulders
until i cry out in pain, try not to cry
the girl's going places

it is hard to imagine when all i can remember
is going going
down on you, going beneath the covers,
going to your house at three in the morning
and knocking on your window,
going pee in that tiny closet of a bathroom,
going crazy,
going to your house and
your house and your house

and oolong and jars of water
and my hands in the hair of your chest
and facing you
and facing the wall
and facing the screen
the shot of the balalaika
so beautiful

baby, i've been dreaming--

i found my underwear

                                                                                                thank god

Friday, December 16, 2011

i am excited about this book.

sweet marilyn monroe

sometimes i want to say (stupid
young things like): 

you don't 
know what it's like to be a; 

you try to _____, ______
or ______; but mostly

i don't always agree with you. 

i don't always agree with you. 

i don't always agree with you. 


these are variations 
on a swallowed temptation 
to say

you're wrong. 

Flex Sig


everything you need to know 
about who i am is 
printed on paper and looped around my wrist.


take it home: free socks; a box of 
apple juice; lubrication sliding down 
my legs; a photograph of my ________


the aftermath looks like this: 

turned into its own poem.    


Thursday, December 8, 2011

i had a feeling that was going to happen.

did you?

i don't know.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Rock 'N' Roll



i feel like if david lynch met me he would agree that we would be an incendiary couple.



people keep talking about lou and metallica but i'm stuck on lou covering this magic moment.

History of Lovers Needed an Update

History of Lovers needed a few things.

An update or ten of new poems.

It also needed to look different.

It also needed to start including pictures and music.

Don't worry I'm on it.

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