i fall chasing

about sixteen
in my journal i scratched
"like an axe
i wait for blood"

for the punishment
that comes
from taking in that
wry face that boy's face

the beach water eyes
and sandy skin
the sunburnt nose
those white doggish teeth

knowing that
each study was a curse
a prayer to the
revolving earth

a scream of
let me get what the fuck i want
for once lord
or maybe twice

and now i guess
the blood has come
but not in the way i had begun
to expect

not a river i am not
smote
by some strict
father god

just occasional
drops
as if i fell and
scraped my knees on the road

as if i fell chasing

occasional drops that
smear and spell
time is not here, only now
and sex and laughing

time is not here
but we smoke in the bed
we scrape our ash into a coke can
and we stick together with sweat

and time is not here
even though i reckon
i would marry you
i know in a second i would

and time is not here
baby
you do not think
time's around here

you say i suppose
ive got a crush
without any hunger
for a ball and chain

and i suppose
ive got a crush
and a prison cell
and a bleeding knee

from falling
chasing
from begging
the revolving earth