first draft:

i thought i might be feeling the prelude to an anxiety attack,

so i dissolved two pills beneath my tongue.

they tasted like poison, a kind of pain.

i want to go to your house, say im sorry, lets work this out,

lets be together , you know, we could take care of each other,

because this song is so beautiful, have i found you, flightless bird?

say i want to make something lasting out of this bizarre knot of chance,

and i will not be afraid of the freedom i have to finally say your name aloud

in a proper big girl's voice,

not the sodden whisper of the summer

like i was sneaking out of the convenience store with stolen cigarettes..

i thought i might have been unkind that night

that i sat drinking at your house,

i took your glances for glares and your jokes for jabs and i should probably have seen

that in all the years i've known you that has not been your way,

i dont know what your way is actually but i think it is not that

so i'd appreciate it

if i could be given some time to loosen the grip

i have around myself just trying

to keep my bones from tumbling down into a useless pile...

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