Let It Fade

Let It Fade

Occasionally struck by the nearness

of everything, the brevity of everything,

the precious greenness of it all,

struck by how I ought to run away with my crepe-soles

smoking,

collapse or not with great autonomy.

I am building a wall of books to

lean on.

I do not say that I will

engage with your body as an instrument

because that I will not do

I will only remember with

eyes closed as I curl like orange peel on this

bare mattress beneath wool, your back

stretching like a country mile your eyes

open and not,

or how taking your boots off I felt

venus,

I felt vaguely rose,

and I evacuate it all now like

a mouthful of vaporized time-

precious ether-

drop something and pick it up,

I cannot joke about it I say and you leave

nightward, I to sleep,

Forgive this trite awakening,  it is

trite in fact, but I realize so often now:

I really do not know what I want

of this day or this life