it's strange-- those grey days when still
you squint against a hidden sun

sometimes,
i think i am nothing
masquerading
as someone

sometimes i think i am an angry cat in a box

sometimes i think that i am only capable of feeling
two things:

adoration and sadness

i wonder where the
sprawling expanse of
middle ground is

grapple with square hands and still
can't find it

these moments
are the only time

i am not angry with time

maybe

(and i find thus
that i am capable
of three
things)

Aloysius

I've decided to name my son Aloysius. I almost wanna go out and get spermed by a random right now so that I don't forget this genius idea.

Don't despair, (or) pick up the Russian book. (Don't) clean your fucking room! How can you breathe with all of that fabric on the floor? How can you fall asleep when there is an open door which leads right to your bed where you're unarmed and undefined and thinking (what once was mine was mine was mine, was mine, was mine)?

---I don't really think it was mine. Think about it all of the time. Don't fucking think about it!---

Empty glass bottle don't read the Russian novel. Wear the big red silk bow in your hair. And don't despair. (Despair,) despair, I really don't, not anymore, I'm whole and white as an egg, living on the hoe stro' do you know what that means?

Don't trust anyone.

Don't debate, don't contemplate, dissect, attempt to rectify, don't remember:

(Don't.)

Keep it on the thinnest of both wrists, and I won't break you.

the past few photos have been drtikol 

27-29

God bless:

God bless

pain's short memory

sleepy cats

french lemon macaroons

crushes

butter-yellow hair

boys with sweet shy mouths

girls with soft eyes

old books

kate bush

rainy days

shoes that keep your feet dry

socks that keep your toes warm

daydreams of kisses that haven't happened yet

menstruation and its aching cramps

grandmas 

chessboards

wool

family 

moments of pleasure

laughter

lessons hard won

a warm robe

the anticipation of a 'date'

the joy of uninjured solitude

hot tea

scary movies

rooks and knights

the instant during which you forgive yourself

the instant during which you forgive them, too

"ain't that a great saying? 'every old sock meets an old shoe...'"

every old sock meets an old shoe

"this sense of humour of mine, it isn't funny at all..."

someone to watch over me

"I saw everything in Hiroshima."

"You saw nothing in Hiroshima."

Body at Twenty-three.

He was just some Joseph looking for a manger.

doesn't it seem as if sometimes, no matter how the determined gametes
of your mother and your father
chose to construct the topography of your face,

we all, sometimes, sometimes, 

sometimes, sometimes, all of our expressions fall 

into the same broken repose? 

and we see it in our mirrors warped,

and we recognize it, 

and we know it very well, 

because it is us, 

and it is ours,

and others' too, 

we all grow 

so tired 

of killing 

each other,

sometimes,

sometimes.

"...And then leaning on your window sill
He'll say one day you caused his will
To weaken with your love and warmth and shelter,
And then taking from his wallet
An old schedule of trains, he'll say
I told you when I came I was a stranger."

l. cohen

Flip a coin. 

By the time it's in the air 

you'll know which side

you want it to land on. 

I went to Santa Barbara with Emily.

We drank Sanbitter, and cappuccinos, respectively, played CAVE EVIL, spread Uncle Charlie's ashes, drew Deenie in the sand, went to a hot spring where we frightened ourselves discussing Windham Earle, and read the books that we got each other for Christmas. I purchased an 1888 first edition of Howard Pyle's Otto of the Silver Hand (Swag) and Emily bought galoshes. Pics: