Julian From Far Away

Julian From Far Away

Dear Julian your silence is so reliable, I can lean back on it,
it reverberates against my muscles, and I know
you are alive.

Dear Julian I tried to look different but I can’t. I am dark my
color is dark, the time you said,

black is the color of my true luve’s hair, and you weren’t talking
about me, but you weren’t talking about anyone, and black is the color of my hair too, so it didn’t matter.

Dear Julian if you ever stop being my baby I’ll be right shocked.

Dear Julian you never listened to a fucking thing I ever said.

Dear Julian it is hard to watch Bergman without you, and damn you, and damn you, you bled onto me, there's too much love.

Dear Julian I am very happy here and very far away from you and it feels perfectly right and quite, but like a balloon which escaped and rises out of sight, my love for you does not deflate. My love for you is a yellow yellow sun. My love for you is a flea, insistent, hard to kill, even when you crush me.

Dear Julian Vera killed a mouse. Dear Julian Deenie killed a daffodil.

Dear Julian I hung the bunny up. It said to Allison and it said your name and I kept thinking, “The line it is drawn,” and my heart felt like crying, but my rivers run dry.

Dear Julian I miss your sleeping body. My sleep was never your song. But your sleep was mine.

Dear Julian please, don’t censor me. Nobody will read this anyway.