Now

So I am
unkind now,
a fact which has
fallen and settled.

I mean to
perpetuate this
with an unbiased
honesty.

Still I saw myself curled
into the chair,
sleeping
in the library,

both arms wrapped
'round the coat
bundled
'neath my head.

I knew
then, that I am
as
ever

a new light appeared today a sad
light and although born only moments ago
it is familiar to me and feels old

the mind takes inventory of simple
things, blue wool sweater chamomile
tea in plum colored mug three pills

and the plumage of a love, material
artifacts once arranged as in a museum have vanished
it is as if they never were

and so a new light a sad light
a wooly blue february light
it is better this way

old book in french, grandpa during
the war, white candle, postcard says
'Take Me As I Am"

some of my friends think i fall
in love as automatically as i fall
down stairs, or in the shower, or

into convoluted embraces. some
of my friends think i am only
in love with him, which is

true. still i have placed this truth
in a drawer along with its beautiful
flotsam and said, enough now

and the new light the sad light
understands as once i was blind
now can i see

and i do.

nosebleed number two

it is beginning to feel dangerous, love
like you might pull the persian rug
from beneath me
might leave me alone after
seasons of strains and bequeath
to me nothing

the sound of rain the faint
blue pain does something to
my chest
i give to you all of the best
and in return get
i'm not sure what i get

a nosebleed i guess
my gaze arrested on your
blue eyes and your
mechanical mess and i don't think
you care that i love you

2am

 2am

My eyes are round as nickels my 

pupils like dimes as I now know something 

which had previously eluded me 

and it makes me feel 

washed up on cold sand tired 

tired to beat the band set in my place 

by the slow movement of a hand

i’ve been doing no one favors as i 

tossed them candy from my fire-truck 

saying things like ‘sweet’ and ‘well’ and

trying to please the entire parade confounded by 

the trash left on the street

dont know what gave me the notion i was 

chamomile tea 

to every changing face that once entreated me 

thought I was kind and found that I 

am only another kind of cruel

dedicated to THE THIEVES

dedicated to the thieves, 2/5/11

last night, was voluntarily whipped 

repeatedly with belts i also 

jumped on a trampoline got my bell rung danced 

on a table 

danced danced danced in various environs was 

kissed for want of protest, a public display of 

“woman abandoning quixotic nature in favor of 

hedonist’s experiential quest” 

rimbaud would approve, or wait--

not give a fuck. 

at any rate, i hope you’re having fun with the bleach 

that you stole from the trunk of my unlocked car, dirty 

thieves, and the bicycle you absconded with

from my backyard.

my father bought me that basket damn it you’ve 

no respect for sentimentality at all! 

edits

Cacophany


A man walked by me he smelled like a lover he smelled like a lover I had.
I'm wearing a square coat I'm wearing a sun hat. The night is swelling like a wound.
The moon is the moon is the moon is the moon. The night is stretching like a sapling tree.
I look like an eccentric. Like an old lady. Like I think that it's the nineteen twenties.
Like someone trying to smuggle themselves away.
And the gates are locked so I can't climb the steps I can only keep walking.
A man walked by me he smelled like a lover he smelled like a lover I had.
Al-ee-Sahn he would call me Al-ee-Sahn when I was in his
Lithe arms lying Al-ee-Sahn, disconsolate doll in fancy dress.
Now I am an eccentric. I'm an old lady. And
The stars do produce a brilliant cacophony.
Spent an hour waiting for grace at the pharmacy,
White paper bag crackles comfortingly.
 It’s no tragedy, sir, in fact it’s my comedy,
And I am the one laughing now.
A man walked by me he just kept on walking he walked all the way,
Walked away.
I didn’t say hello had quite a few things on my mind.

























You Might as Well Eat a Chocolate Bar She Said


First the bile in my stomach dissolved like sugar
Venom dissipated left some strange benevolence
No longer aching to be spat from fangs

The disconnect which stretched like salt water taffy
(Boardwalk boardwalks all that neon blinks and rolls)
Clasped itself to itself and became whole

You might as well eat a chocolate bar she said

Soap in my eyes made my stomach contract a pupil
Shocked by light he looked sweet enough to eat to
Not be a lie like sweat and wheat and

Seashells tumbled in a curling line

I don’t know some time before
The Common Era

It was decided I’d abide

Above all captive
Of the hand’s
Mechanics

Shaking my Matrix adjusting a shutter-
Speed calling into clarity

My haze 

























In the Event that I Cannot Have What I Most Want

It’s no small thing not too big either but
Branched like coral and submerged in my
Narcotic doubts it seems somewhere between

A small stone and a shard of glass in
Consequence a song the words of which
I can remember yet the tune eludes me and

That is my bane oh lonesome train maybe just
Come take me away away I’m no good for any
Body here just straining to peer over a fence not mine

And tired to beat the band I am really full of it this time




























Can’t Do Math

I seem to believe that the new-found magnetism will tumble with momentum like a song.
Must have found it in my pocket. Looked down at his thigh for hours,
It didn’t do anything, he just sat there, sometimes bouncing a foot,
It was ‘hot.’

I proclaim that it does not make sense. Then I wonder what makes sense.
I wonder if this is my long-awaited recompense,
How many times I’ve been taken down by a hit and run.
I don’t think I’ll ever know because I can’t do math.