it is beginning to feel dangerous, love
like you might pull the persian rug
from beneath me
might leave me alone after
seasons of strains and bequeath
to me nothing
the sound of rain the faint
blue pain does something to
my chest
i give to you all of the best
and in return get
i'm not sure what i get
a nosebleed i guess
my gaze arrested on your
blue eyes and your
mechanical mess and i don't think
you care that i love you
Friday, February 18, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
2am
2am
My eyes are round as nickels my
pupils like dimes as I now know something
which had previously eluded me
and it makes me feel
washed up on cold sand tired
tired to beat the band set in my place
by the slow movement of a hand
i’ve been doing no one favors as i
tossed them candy from my fire-truck
saying things like ‘sweet’ and ‘well’ and
trying to please the entire parade confounded by
the trash left on the street
dont know what gave me the notion i was
chamomile tea
to every changing face that once entreated me
thought I was kind and found that I
am only another kind of cruel
dedicated to THE THIEVES
dedicated to the thieves, 2/5/11
last night, was voluntarily whipped
repeatedly with belts i also
jumped on a trampoline got my bell rung danced
on a table
danced danced danced in various environs was
kissed for want of protest, a public display of
“woman abandoning quixotic nature in favor of
hedonist’s experiential quest”
rimbaud would approve, or wait--
not give a fuck.
at any rate, i hope you’re having fun with the bleach
that you stole from the trunk of my unlocked car, dirty
thieves, and the bicycle you absconded with
from my backyard.
my father bought me that basket damn it you’ve
no respect for sentimentality at all!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
edits
Cacophany
A man walked by me he smelled like a lover he smelled like a lover I had.
I'm wearing a square coat I'm wearing a sun hat. The night is swelling like a wound.
The moon is the moon is the moon is the moon. The night is stretching like a sapling tree.
I look like an eccentric. Like an old lady. Like I think that it's the nineteen twenties.
Like someone trying to smuggle themselves away.
And the gates are locked so I can't climb the steps I can only keep walking.
A man walked by me he smelled like a lover he smelled like a lover I had.
Al-ee-Sahn he would call me Al-ee-Sahn when I was in his
Lithe arms lying Al-ee-Sahn, disconsolate doll in fancy dress.
Now I am an eccentric. I'm an old lady. And
The stars do produce a brilliant cacophony.
Spent an hour waiting for grace at the pharmacy,
White paper bag crackles comfortingly.
It’s no tragedy, sir, in fact it’s my comedy,
And I am the one laughing now.
A man walked by me he just kept on walking he walked all the way,
Walked away.
I didn’t say hello had quite a few things on my mind.
You Might as Well Eat a Chocolate Bar She Said
First the bile in my stomach dissolved like sugar
Venom dissipated left some strange benevolence
No longer aching to be spat from fangs
The disconnect which stretched like salt water taffy
(Boardwalk boardwalks all that neon blinks and rolls)
Clasped itself to itself and became whole
You might as well eat a chocolate bar she said
Soap in my eyes made my stomach contract a pupil
Shocked by light he looked sweet enough to eat to
Not be a lie like sweat and wheat and
Seashells tumbled in a curling line
I don’t know some time before
The Common Era
It was decided I’d abide
Above all captive
Of the hand’s
Mechanics
Shaking my Matrix adjusting a shutter-
Speed calling into clarity
My haze
In the Event that I Cannot Have What I Most Want
It’s no small thing not too big either but
Branched like coral and submerged in my
Narcotic doubts it seems somewhere between
A small stone and a shard of glass in
Consequence a song the words of which
I can remember yet the tune eludes me and
That is my bane oh lonesome train maybe just
Come take me away away I’m no good for any
Body here just straining to peer over a fence not mine
And tired to beat the band I am really full of it this time
Can’t Do Math
I seem to believe that the new-found magnetism will tumble with momentum like a song.
Must have found it in my pocket. Looked down at his thigh for hours,
It didn’t do anything, he just sat there, sometimes bouncing a foot,
It was ‘hot.’
I proclaim that it does not make sense. Then I wonder what makes sense.
I wonder if this is my long-awaited recompense,
How many times I’ve been taken down by a hit and run.
I don’t think I’ll ever know because I can’t do math.
A man walked by me he smelled like a lover he smelled like a lover I had.
I'm wearing a square coat I'm wearing a sun hat. The night is swelling like a wound.
The moon is the moon is the moon is the moon. The night is stretching like a sapling tree.
I look like an eccentric. Like an old lady. Like I think that it's the nineteen twenties.
Like someone trying to smuggle themselves away.
And the gates are locked so I can't climb the steps I can only keep walking.
A man walked by me he smelled like a lover he smelled like a lover I had.
Al-ee-Sahn he would call me Al-ee-Sahn when I was in his
Lithe arms lying Al-ee-Sahn, disconsolate doll in fancy dress.
Now I am an eccentric. I'm an old lady. And
The stars do produce a brilliant cacophony.
Spent an hour waiting for grace at the pharmacy,
White paper bag crackles comfortingly.
It’s no tragedy, sir, in fact it’s my comedy,
And I am the one laughing now.
A man walked by me he just kept on walking he walked all the way,
Walked away.
I didn’t say hello had quite a few things on my mind.
You Might as Well Eat a Chocolate Bar She Said
First the bile in my stomach dissolved like sugar
Venom dissipated left some strange benevolence
No longer aching to be spat from fangs
The disconnect which stretched like salt water taffy
(Boardwalk boardwalks all that neon blinks and rolls)
Clasped itself to itself and became whole
You might as well eat a chocolate bar she said
Soap in my eyes made my stomach contract a pupil
Shocked by light he looked sweet enough to eat to
Not be a lie like sweat and wheat and
Seashells tumbled in a curling line
I don’t know some time before
The Common Era
It was decided I’d abide
Above all captive
Of the hand’s
Mechanics
Shaking my Matrix adjusting a shutter-
Speed calling into clarity
My haze
In the Event that I Cannot Have What I Most Want
It’s no small thing not too big either but
Branched like coral and submerged in my
Narcotic doubts it seems somewhere between
A small stone and a shard of glass in
Consequence a song the words of which
I can remember yet the tune eludes me and
That is my bane oh lonesome train maybe just
Come take me away away I’m no good for any
Body here just straining to peer over a fence not mine
And tired to beat the band I am really full of it this time
Can’t Do Math
I seem to believe that the new-found magnetism will tumble with momentum like a song.
Must have found it in my pocket. Looked down at his thigh for hours,
It didn’t do anything, he just sat there, sometimes bouncing a foot,
It was ‘hot.’
I proclaim that it does not make sense. Then I wonder what makes sense.
I wonder if this is my long-awaited recompense,
How many times I’ve been taken down by a hit and run.
I don’t think I’ll ever know because I can’t do math.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
it's a lovely
pretty pretty is a word i hear pretty often like damned
eucalyptus insidious insipidly poisonous useless and futile til
hey
the landscape torched
it's a lovely fire
strangers strangers i see pretty often all of their faces
familiar to me like those fucking eucalyptus trees free of
identity until hey
i think i love you
it's a lovely feeling
pharmacy the pharmacy is a place pretty often i frequent
the place where my money is spent, a twenty honey fifty cents
but hey
it keeps my wire spooled
it's a lovely mercy
eucalyptus insidious insipidly poisonous useless and futile til
hey
the landscape torched
it's a lovely fire
strangers strangers i see pretty often all of their faces
familiar to me like those fucking eucalyptus trees free of
identity until hey
i think i love you
it's a lovely feeling
pharmacy the pharmacy is a place pretty often i frequent
the place where my money is spent, a twenty honey fifty cents
but hey
it keeps my wire spooled
it's a lovely mercy
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Stuck (a song)
You tell me who abandoned who on the dock
You tell me who turned away to chase the
Neon of the boardwalk
When the ferris wheel went around I wondered why
I hadn’t just left town
And in the fun house mirror all I saw was your
ignorance and fear and
The reason and the order of the past
All tumbled back
In my white dress gaze arrested on the one
That loved me last
Refusing to act in a way that would betray a lack
Of that thing that could send good people to heaven
If there ever was a heaven
Now it’s behind bars
Instead of heaven there’s a train
It has its hedonistic cars
And you can ride with the leaden eyed
Or keep quiet where you are
You’re not a martyr if you’re not having fun
You’re just stuck thinking of some one
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
On Billie
I have loved Billie Holiday since I was a sentimental thirteen year old. Now I am a sentimental twenty two year old, and I sing along to her songs with words rustled from memories of nights alone, tossing and longing, nine years ago. It is so sweet.
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