Tuesday, February 14, 2012


i have these feelings. or ideas. about writing. i have these (feelings) (or) (ideas) about writing. things like:

- don't write about sex
- don't write about death
-don't write about drugs
-don't use the word baby
-don't write about love
-don't direct your poem toward someone
-especially not someone you love
-or someone you're having sex with
-or someone you have a crush on
-or someone on drugs, or who died, or who's yr baby.

i had a teacher that told me, that it said it in a book, it said, "don't write about these things."

so i write about them all the time and then i feel like shit about what i've written. or i like what i've written. sometimes i'm a rebel. sometimes i'm ashamed and my head is bowed and i feel like i will never be a good writer. i guess my point is:

--i'm always thinking about sex because i'm 23 years old and these hormonal whispers in some secret nerves keep saying it, "sex," and sometimes i see him, just a blur of pale skin in the dark, an arm, sweet eyes. i'm always two seconds from the orgasm that rearranges my clattering bones.

--i'm always thinking about death because i'm gonna die. when i cross the street i imagine a car hitting me, the impact, the little flight, my head, its contents a circus of color and texture splattering asphalt.

--i'm always thinking about drugs because i am a sober drug addict, and drugs are part of my past, and i always think about my past... a little bit less every day. but i wouldn't even be able to realize that fact in itself if i didn't think about yesterday, a little.

-- i always wanna use the word baby because it is one of my favorite, favorite words, i find it to be one of the most poetic, i wanna call him pretty baby because i MEAN it, but my mouth is glued shut, all i can do is hum ike and tina.

-- i'm always thinking about love because. well i don't know why. but i'm sure as shit always thinking about love. i guess it is because i FUCKING LOVE IT. i fucking love love. i love love the way some people love fear. i love love foolishly, wildly, and young. i am in young love with love, it feels perpetual.

-- i direct my poems toward you because as fucking large a mouth as i have, i still can't tell you this to your beautiful stained-glass face.

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