impatience
a sickness
wakes me early in the morning

when all is
very dark even the strange orange
dust light which is vaguely
veiled
in stripes
through the blinds

it hurts to---

(deja vu)
(besets me)
there are certain things which i do
when i write

certain things i do
maybe
in the night and
during the day

sometimes i view an instant through a crack
sometimes i am submerged

( and my practice is not pretty
i do not scrawl in little notebooks
if my computer is a ufo
radiation shall kill me dead as dead)

if cats indeed cause schizophrenia
i'm just as fucked

because i have a cat on my right
this computer on my left

and myself deep in benadryl, acetaminophen,
and grey sweater in between