it was hard to understand the words wasn't it? 
it wasn't the way it was when we sat by the shore. 
i drove to my grandma's for bourbon and company.
i wanted to holler out every window.


i wish some things were different i guess.
my head is still my head.
i feel vaguely that i had at some point believed i'd changed.
but i haven't changed.


perhaps i am the unchanging girl. 
deserving of a cage and a carnival show. 
all i do is grow a little older and a little wiser
in a way that is easy to see but tough to stick to.


i am trapped in a grey dream and i like it here.
i want the sun to stay invisibly hidden.
it suits my bruises and my confusion. 
though if i said i didn't know what i meant i'd be lying.